Being Three

“Mama, let’s just sit here and look at the flowers.” J said softly as we sat on the porch, his gaze stuck on the hydrangeas in early bloom. I was, of course, distracted by all the things and he just wanted to be with his mama and the flowers. He had a way of living in each moment that I had forgotten somewhere along the way, as us big people do.

He must have known, in his own way, that’s exactly what we both needed— connection & flowers.

I remember this day like it was yesterday. it’s one of those memories that’s stored in the depths of my being, ready to be called on just when it’s most needed.

Remembering that moment brings a feeling of calm and presence— something I think we all could use a little—a lot— more of. It’s hard to believe that this once three year old is now a very big, very strong-willed 8 year old— currently juggling the demands of virtual school, work-from-home parents, and a magically fierce 4 year old sibling— but, that’s a story for another day.

So… we sat. I dropped all the to do lists floating around in my mind and I stared at those flowers with my little one.

Oh, the mindfulness. When you’re three the world is magical, full of new wonder, and endless opportunities for exploration and discovery. It’s also often full of “hurry up’s, “let’s go’s” and being pushed and pulled with little power or control over things.

Three year old’s are in the developmental limbo between baby and big kid— wanting to be rocked one minute and wanting to assert themselves the next. Autonomy is growing, they are tasked with developing individuality, purposefully disrupting attachment relationships, and maintaining connection— all at the same time. It’s through these series of ruptures, ideally followed by repairs, that three year old’s learn more deeply what it means to be connected in relationships while developing and maintaining a sense of self (phew, I’m exhausted just typing all that).

Tiring as it all may sound, when you’re three the energy is high and the momentum to handle all these developmental tasks is fluid.

It’s a timeframe filled with duality— and the most consistent part of it all is inconsistency— from “I love you” to “you’re not my friend anymore!” Or “I want a grilled cheese” to “GROSS, this grilled cheese has cheese on it!” It can be hard to keep up! And even harder for us parents to regulate our own inner-three-year old emotions along the way.

As a three year old’s needs shift, what they need from their primary person shift along with them. Three year old’s need their big people to be a mix of accepting, present, gentle, fair and firm. To say this is complex is an understatement, and this can often feel like mission impossible for us big people.

If you are feeling stressed and confused by all the demands, feelings, and changes that come during this developmental time— you are not alone. With minimal village-like support, it’s no wonder so many of us feel off balance in our parenting roles as we also work to meet the demands of the outside world. It may seem that there isn’t much time, or energy, left to be still and “look at the flowers”. That is, until we are brought back to the present moment through sweet words, spirited screams, and passionate tears from our forever in-the-present little ones.

So, Let’s take a moment to honor the wisdom in the three year old’s nearest and dearest to us.

If we listen closely to their words and ways of being we are bound to end up somewhere magical and wise beyond words.

We may even find ourselves in a space that awakens the inner-three-year-old in each of us and brings us closer to the connection and presence we all deserve.

If you are looking for support in your parenting journey or in learning to listen to your inner child, check out my services page or send me a message!